William Shakespeare once said: "Expectations are the root of all suffering."
Have you ever been disappointed because things were not going as you planned? We all have expectations, and we are upset when everything turns out not as we expected. This can happen to anyone at any time.
And when our hopes are not met, we must understand how this affects us. It’s harmful how to set unattainable standards for a partner, and vice versa - try hard to meet them. As a result, both sides will suffer: resentment, anger and disappointment will poison the relationship.
Our expectations are fantasies and false hopes that destroy the very idea of equal partnership.
What unrealistic expectations destroy love?
1. "So I was raised."
Problematic expectations form the traditions that each spouse brings from her parental family to her marriage. For example, a husband expects his wife to take care of the house and take on all the chores of the household, as his mother did.
You should never compare your partners with your parents. Nobody managed to justify this "gold standard". He is unfair and unrealistic.
Your partner may possess some traits or qualities of his parents; it is not without reason that we say “we will marry our mother” or “marry our father”. Some partners look for character traits that are characteristic of their parents, because it provides them with a sense of security and security in a relationship. But if you hope that your partner will be as perfect as your parents, you form a toxic expectation that adversely affects your relationship.
2. "Unspoken expectations."
It is unrealistic to assume that the partner will guess to do certain things that you never discussed with him. For example, waiting for a particular birthday present or anniversary.
But your husband is an ordinary person and cannot read minds. Just because you were not presented with an extravagant gift that you came up with, hoping for his ingenuity, does not mean that he did not put his soul into it.
Or the husband, by default, believes that lunch should be ready for his return from work, and the wife expects that he will sit with the children in the evening.
When you start thinking about things that a partner should do for you, but that remains only a dream, you are disappointed. Try to pronounce what you would like, and this will help to achieve mutual understanding.
3. "Waiting for change."
Do you hope in vain that your partner will change? Some believe that it is quite innocent to try to change the dress or partner’s usual activities, although this can imperceptibly destroy relationships. People are starting to lose themselves. No less important than sharing common interests, maintaining autonomy in marriage.
4. "Everything will form by itself."
Both partners must work to save the marriage. Some couples think that from the very fact that they are married, problems will be solved by themselves. This is a dangerous fallacy because it forces you to take your relationship and partner for granted.
Be attentive to each other's feelings, needs and desires.
Too often couples seek help when it is too late, and one of the partners is ready to step over the threshold and break the relationship. If you do not want to reach this point, notice the problems that need to be addressed in time.
5. "Only rely on yourself."
Many men are convinced that they should meet certain standards, for example, to be the breadwinner, the support of the family or the jack of all trades.
Women also have expectations associated with the need to do household chores after a long day at work, clean the house and cook every day. Many of these expectations are driven by the demands of society.
It's okay to ask for help. A burden of duty can put pressure on you and lead to stress, anxiety, and depression.
Homework is a team work, and it is important that both partners share them equally.
Unrealistic expectations in a relationship lead to frustration and dissatisfaction. No one is perfect and each has its own flaws. It's great to set goals for developing relationships, but first make sure they are realistic.
