It so happened in life that in 99% of the initiators of relationships in my life were men, not me. I could never get someone I liked. At the same time, she allowed men to whom she did not initially have deep feelings - to care for me.
And, as a rule, this ended in the fact that I inevitably fell in love. And then I was thrown, I cried, suffered and was offended by the whole world. The key word "was", because I already had an understanding of how I was turning from a goddess into a hysterical woman who was constantly being thrown.
So, everything is in order.
Stage One: "I am a goddess"
At this stage of the relationship, I look like a snow queen who takes courtship. And due to the fact that the men who cared for me, I never liked - it was easy for me to remain indifferent. This period is wonderful, because you need and demand. They give you flowers, surprise and constantly remind you of how wonderful you are. Regular phone calls, an interest in where I am and what I do; a growing desire to spend as much time with me as possible.
I even remember how in January I got flowers from snowdrifts. As they ran at night for pills from the throat, when I caught a cold. As I did a foot massage at the end of the day. And at such moments you realize that this man makes you happy. And that he needs you. Therefore, why not increase your influence on him and not try to marry yourself. And here begins the second stage - "I am a cat." That is, at the beginning I behaved like a homeless animal: I purred, looked into my eyes with a sense of devotion and admiration. And by such behavior I expected that the “potential owner” would take me home. In other words, he will let you come closer and closer to his territory. And as soon as I achieved this purr, more and more often it changed to growl and release claws.
It turns out that I understood that the relationship is already serious, so it can be shown that something does not suit me, and that I have my own desires and complaints. And the main complaint, as a rule, was one - to return the state "I am a goddess" to me. After all, I perfectly remembered how they used to look after me, how they wanted to spend all my free time with me. And now everything has become stable and calm; faded passion and romance.
And the understanding that I lack attention, developed into the third stage - “I am a woman-ivy”. I wanted like an abnormal, and even demanded that a man spend all his free time with me.
It was difficult for me even to accept the fact that he needed to leave for work in order to earn money, which he would then spend on me.
I just silently went crazy when he went to play football with friends on weekends. I was all little and not enough of the time that we spent together. And gradually came the final stage.
Stage Two: "I am a hysteric"
This terrible period was caused by the fact that paranoia was added to the desire to spend as much time as possible. At first it seemed to me that he was no longer traveling to football, but to a new girlfriend. That he does not get tired so much at work, as he tells me. What are the feelings about which he spoke at the beginning of the relationship he had gone. I did not believe one of his words.
He came to me - we swore, left - I cried and threw his sms. At first, she screamed in hysterics that I no longer want to see him, that I would throw away his things and eliminate them from my life.
After an hour or two, I asked for forgiveness and with tears in my eyes I begged to come back to me promising to correct and make amends.
Roughly speaking, this period can be described with phrases that my boyfriend heard almost every day: “Did you forget anything about me, did you forget about me?”; "Why are you taking me so long?"; "Do you not have a conscience so dry to respond to my sms?"; "I can not understand, you, that you are so tired that you do not want to spend the evening with me?"; "How did you decide to stay at the weekend at home, and not to come to me?"; "What are you going to the gym, and not to me?"; "Fuck you ..."
I still clearly remember that this period led to the fact that my young man said to me the phrase: "You know, the more I recognize you, the more I give up." Of course, after these words, I calmed down a bit. I had enough for a couple of weeks. Then everything returned to the old pattern of behavior. As a result, we parted to the sound of heaps of insults and offensive words addressed to each other. So no one has ever offended me in my life.
The worst came after the end of the relationship. It was after them that I could not meet with anyone for a year and a half. After all, she was really afraid to build new relationships. I wanted and at the same time was afraid to understand what I was doing wrong.
And over time, she realized that a man is also a man; he needs freedom, and we need an occupation for the soul and the ability to independently learn how to be happy. I clearly realized that I, because I can not love myself, I see in the man the only source of positive. Therefore, I demand from him more and more evidence that I am so wonderful and the only one in his life.
I realized too late that we can not find a soul mate until we found the first one. Therefore, the main thing is to start loving and appreciating yourself. And without a doubt, one happy soul will attract another.
